That's Going to Go Straight to Your Arse
by GothicBlackRose
Summary: Harry Potter comes home to his lover of four years, Draco Malfoy, in the middle of a major queen out. The reason? Ice Cream. Read and Review. SLASH!H/D Complete.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first shot at fanfiction. It's based on actual happenings between myself and my friend Aaron, then given a Harry/Draco twist. This story can be read as a one-shot, though I already have half of the next chapter written.

I Disclaim.

***********

"Honey, I'm home!" hollered a lithe man with shaggy black hair, as he walked into the London loft he shared with his boyfriend of four years. The loft in itself was very open with a kitchenette area and a raised bedroom area with a bathroom attached, as the only definitive rooms; the rest of the floor plan was wide open and decorated with a very minimalistic design.

"Funny," he heard the dry reply carry from the bathroom.

Harry smiled a crooked smile as he slid the loft door shut and walked over to his computer desk, placing his coat on the chair. He then walked up the two stairs that led to his bedroom, loosening his tie as he went.

"How was your day?" he asked, getting a glimpse of his blonde through the open door of the bathroom.

Silence greeted him.

"Draco?" he tried again, walking into the bathroom. There he found his boyfriend naked and fresh from a recent shower, turned with his back to the full length mirror, looking over his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" Harry chuckled as he walked over, untucking his shirt from his slacks.

"I think I…" Draco started then stopped, and made a face.

"You think you..? What?" the brunette replied, catching his lovers eyes in the mirror as he rolled up his sleeves.

Draco turned and looked at Harry, "I think I have… stretch marks on my arse," he said in a tone full of pain, and grimaced.

"You what?"

"I have stretch marks on my _arse_." Draco said more definitively.

Harry dutifully swallowed the chuckle that wanted to break free. "Ah."

"Don't think I can't hear the laugh in your voice, Harry James Potter," Draco said scathingly, turning around again trying to get a glimpse of said stretch marks.

"What? So, you have stretch marks? Big deal." He paused and continued on, "Maybe it's because of all that ice cream you insist on ingesting daily."

Gryffindor bravery was often mistaken for stupidity. This instance, for example.

"Are you calling me… _fat_?" Draco asked chillingly.

Catching a glimpse of the freezing stare Draco was sending him; Harry quickly tried to fix his mistake, "No. Not at all. You're beautiful."

Draco continued to glare at him, then rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to his arse, "Are they very noticeable?"

"Not in the slightest," Harry replied, wrapping his arms around Draco's waist, "I promise." He kissed the shell of the blondes ear, "Now, come on, we have reservations at Michelangelo's for dinner at 8."

Draco huffed and gave one last look in the mirror before walking after Harry into the bedroom to dress. "Fine, just know that I'm only ordering a salad."

Harry turned his attention from the closet to Draco, who was standing on the other side of their bed trying to choose a shirt, and gave him a weird look, "But you always get pasta. It's your favorite."

"Not until I get rid of those infernal marks," Draco replied heatedly, choosing a gray turtleneck sweater.

Harry continued to look at Draco, then shook his head, going back to choosing his clothes for the night.

***


	2. Chapter 2

I forgot to mention in the first chapter that the loft Harry and Draco share is based on Queer as Folks, Brian's loft. This next chapter was slightly, _very slightly_, based on the ice cream kisses shared by QaF's Brian and Justin in season one. Enjoy.

I disclaim.

**************

A week later found London in the middle of a sweltering heat wave, and Draco Malfoy, lover of Harry Potter, the Man-Who-Defeated-The-Dark-Lord, walking around the loft he shared with is lover in nothing but lose boxers in way of trying to relive himself of the heat and boredom, as it was too hot to work on his potions.

He had already flicked through all the channels on the television that Harry had bought when they moved in, grew bored, then tried taking a shower to wash away the sweat that had accumulated since his shower earlier that morning. After he had gained what little relief the shower gave him, he tried going on to Harry's laptop. However, he still had troubles with muggle technology so that idea was short lived.

He tried finding a movie; none of them looked very appealing.

He tried cooking a cool lunch of a crab salad, to find that he had no appetite.

He even tried taking a nap but couldn't get comfortable enough in his and Harry's large bed, even with the fan on high.

Throwing back the dark green sheet, Draco made his way down the few stairs from the bedroom to the main living area, and walked to the fridge to take a peek inside. Besides the homemade lemonade nothing was appealing in the fridge, so Draco opened up the freezer.

There it was. His ice cream.

Now, after the 'major-queen-out', Harry's words not Draco's, earlier that week Draco had resolutely stayed away from the cool sweet substance. But as the days went on he found his willpower waning.

"Ah, bugger it." Draco said and reached inside the freezer for the carton of vanilla ice cream. After putting a few scoops into the bowl, Draco put the carton back and glanced at his confectionary treat and decided something was missing. After thinking for a few seconds Draco reached to the top cupboard over the sink and took out a candy bar from Harry's secret stash of emergency muggle candy.

Draco then cut up the candy bar into bit sized pieces of chocolate, caramel, and peanuts topping off the ice cream with them.

Grabbing his bowl and spoon Draco made his way over the chaise that sat in front of one of the wide windows that looked down into Muggle London and the River Thames shining beautifully in the, finally, setting sun.

Draco was just working on his fifth bite of his sweet treat when the loft door slid open and Harry, dressed for the weather in baggy jeans and a white t-shirt, strolled in and placed his messenger bag and shoes near the door.

"Hello, love," Draco said around his mouthful of his cool treat.

Harry, spotting Draco's half eaten bowl of ice cream, smiled slightly and said, with a chuckle, "Mm. Hello. What is that you're eating?"

Draco glanced down to the bowl resting on his bare stomach and grimaced. "Nothing."

Harry laughed. "Well, that lasted long." Then strolled past Draco to the bedroom to change, then walked back into the main area of the loft, now more comfortably dressed in cut off gray sweat pants and the same white t-shirt, Harry made his way over to his blonde lover and straddled his lap facing the man now giving him a look daring him to say anything even rhyming with 'stretch marks'.

Harry smiled sweetly and leaned in kissing Draco on both eye lids before placing a chaste kiss on his delectable lips, still sticky sweet from the ice cream. "Willing to share?" he said with a grin bordering wickedness.

"Hmm. I may be persuaded," Draco said smiling slightly with a glint in his eye, "But, you see, it's so hot. And ice cream was the only thing that I could think of to relieve the heat."

"Ah. Well, now that I'm home, let's see if we can find another way to," Harry paused, "beat the heat." Then he stood up and offered a hand to the blonde. "How about a shower?"

"I've already had two since you left for work." Draco said with a slight shake of his head.

"I'll make it worth you're while. I promise." The brunette said, with his hand still reached out towards his lover.

Draco smiled and gave in. As he was pulling Draco up, Harry glanced down at the mostly melted ice cream. As he was walking, hand in hand, with his lover towards the bathroom he leaned in towards his blondes hear he whispered, "You know you owe me another candy bar, right?"

****

There. A little bit longer the first chapter. I realize that Draco is a pureblood wizard and he could have just done a cooling charm, or something of that sort, but that would have defeated the purpose of the plot.

Reviews are an author's best friend. :D


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter is dedicated to **Fluorescent Frenzy**, my first reviewer.

I Disclaim.

***

Months had passed with little incident between Harry and Draco, after the freak heat wave earlier that summer. Now it was autumn—Hallowe'en to be exact; the fifth anniversary for the lovers. After his initial slip up Draco put more effort into staying away from his ice cream. Though, admittedly, he kept a carton in the freezer. For emergencies, of course.

In fact, ice cream was far from his mind. Today was Hallowe'en, and Draco was excited. He and Harry were to go to dinner at _Inn the Park_, a beautiful restaurant in St. James Park to celebrate their anniversary then to _G-A-Y _ a popular dance club in London.

As it was, the lovers were getting ready.

"What do you think of this?" Harry said clad in form fitting black stone washed jeans, holding a forest green tee to his chest.

"Perfect," Draco said after appraising the brunette, "It will fit in at both the restaurant and the club."

Harry nodded in agreement, and slipped the shirt over his head, then sat on the edge of his and Draco's bed to pull on his shoes. As he did, he watched Draco at the closet go through shirt after shirt to go with the pale jeans the blonde was already clad in. "The blue one."

"Sorry?" Draco said stopping and giving Harry and odd look.

"The light blue polo." Harry said finishing tying his shoes and walking over to his dresser to grab his wallet and keys, and leaving his wand. Tonight was going to be magic free. There would be enough pseudo-wizards running round begging for candy and Harry didn't want to run the possibility that he or Draco would drop their wands and a child would pick it up on accident. The same thing happened to Ron, Harry's best mate, last year. The resulting night was disastrous ending up in Ron wrestling a muggle-born (though the poor girl probably didn't realize it, and that it was her doing that resulted in the weird things that had happened to her all night) for his wand, and probably putting the girl off of Hallowe'en for the rest of her life.

Draco contemplated the classic fit light blue polo with a little eagle in flight and, nodding, decided it would work for tonight. To complete his ensemble he added a leather cord necklace with the same eagle in flight as a charm hanging from the cord, and finished off his outfit with his favorite leather flip-flops. *

"Ready?" Harry said as Draco grabbed his wallet and put it in his back pocket.

"Yes. Let's go." Draco replied with a smile and turned off the lights in the loft, following Harry out the door into the elevator to take the men down to the street.

***

"Are you sure you don't mind missing the feast?" Draco said, glancing across the table to Harry who was finishing his meal of a hand minced Galloway Burger, before the blonde turned his attention the remnants his own meal of roast suffolk cob chicken, with roast heritage carrots and bread dumplings.

Harry shook his head with a smile and sipped his water then replied, "Of course not, love. Tonight is our night."

Draco nodded to the waiter who took their plates and set down their dessert, treacle tart with clotted cream. "But you love the Hallowe'en feast. You have since first year." This was to be the first Hallowe'en feast that Harry would miss since starting at Hogwarts as the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, three years ago. Usually Harry and he would spend the day together, and then he would accompany the professor to his alma mater and enjoy dinner with him there.

Harry took a sip of his port and then put the glass aside to cover Draco's hand in his. "There's a first time for everything. I truly don't mind. I promise."

"Thank you for my present," Draco said smiling, finally giving up on the slight argument. Earlier that day Harry had given Draco an anniversary gift of extremely rare potion ingredients and treated him to a day at the Dao Spa. "I have something for you."

"But you already gave me my gift. The watch." Harry said confused, pointedly looking at the Gucci watch on his wrist. It had a thick black strap and a black face. Harry loved it.

"Yes, I know." Draco said reaching into his pocket and pulling something slim out. He handed Harry a bite sized candy bar. The same kind he had taken from Harry's emergency stash months ago.

Harry took the candy, "What is—is this from when you took my candy _months_ ago?" he finished with a incredulous look . Draco nodded. "Thank you, Draco."Harry said smiling softly, then got up and taking his boyfriends hand then led him to the door where he paid for their meal, and they left taking a quick stroll in the surrounding park area and found a bench. "Will you share my candy with me?" Harry asked cutely.

Draco smiled softly, "I'll share everything and anything with you." Then took the small candy and ripped the wrapper off and handed Harry a half. They sat contentedly, Harry's arm over Draco's shoulder, and watched the sun set over the river that ran through the park. After the sun was below the horizon they left their comfy bench and headed to the dance club and the chaos it possessed, losing themselves in the hectic beat of the music.

***

*--Yes, I basically made Draco into a walking American Eagle model. I based that outfit on my friend, Tommy's, taste in clothes. The boy wears flip-flops in the dead of our harsh Michigan winters. :D

_G-A-Y, the Dao Spa,_ and_ Inn the Park_ are real places in London, which I found with the help of google. The meals the boys had are on the autumn menu of _Inn the Park, _as well.

Review, please.

I think the next chapter is going to see the boys (as well as some friends?) continue their evening at _G-A-Y. _


	4. Chapter 4

This chapter is dedicated to **Missy Padfoot**. See? The story continues on, put _away_ the killing spoon. :D And Dig… I stole Jean Claude. But he's still straight! No worries. :D

Oh. And the rating has gone up slightly in accordance to vulgar language.

**Chapter Four**

As twilight descended on London, the streets were crowded with people. People rushing home, people on their way to work, people headed for a night out, or any other number of things. In such chaos no one noticed the two men who seemed to appear out of no where in the alley next to a popular gay bar.

Harry and Draco made their way into G-A-Y Bar and found their friends leaning against the bar deep in discussion. Jean Claude, the sexy Frenchman of the group at six feet and weighing 160 pounds soaking wet, was leaning slightly into his girlfriend, Isabella, as they tried to have a conversation over the thumping music. Lucan and his lover Shane, were reading the messages sprawled across the plasma screens that were spread all along the bar walls.* Lucan with his light, almost white, blonde hair and Shane's tanned skin and dark hair, had often joked about being the Irish version of Harry and Draco. And, finally, Samantha, tan skin, thick dark hair, and high cheekbones courtesy of her Native American heritage, giggling with her most recent girlfriend Alexandra, her dark red hair curling at her waist with wisps falling into her bright green eyes, swaying along with the music blasting from the speakers; both completely beautiful women in their own right, and nothing less then stunning together.

_Let's have some fun, this beat is sick  
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick  
Let's have some fun, this beat is sick  
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick_

_I wanna kiss you  
But if I do then I might miss you, babe  
It's complicated and stupid  
Got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid  
Guess he wants to play, wants to play  
A love game, A love game_

"Hey there, boys!" Sam said loudly, the first to notice Harry and Draco. "Happy Anniversary!"

"Thanks, Sam," Draco said with a small smile, once he and Harry had reached the group. He gave Sam a small hug, and smiled at Alexandra, and nodded to Jean Claude and Isabella. "How is everybody?"

"Shit faced," Sam giggled in her yank accent, then paused, "I mean _pissed_." Then giggled again, taking a sip of her most recent Cosmo. Alexandra shook her head with a grin, and said, "Yes, and I think that's enough for you," and removed the glass from her lovers clutches. "Water, over here," she said to the bartender, and switched Sams drinks, ignoring the brunettes petulant pout.

"Yeahh, anyways," said Lucan, giving Sam a weird look, "We're all doing fine. How are you both, on this oh so happy day?"

"Great," replied Harry, who turned from ordering his and Draco's drinks. "We spent the day together, had an amazing dinner at _Inn the Park_, and now here we are."

Shane nodded, "Sounds brilliant. Happy anniversary, you two. And a Happy Hallowe'en." He said gesturing with his drink.

"Here, here." Lucan laughed and toasted as well, and took a sip from his Absolut Sex, finishing it off. "Now. Let's party."

Isabella laughed as Lucan grabbed her hand and led her to the makeshift dance floor and started leading her in a faux slightly inebriated version of a salsa. "Watch the hands," Jean Claude hollered over to Lucan as his hands dipped slightly lower then Bella's waist. And ignored Lucan's hollered response of, "I don't even like pussy, calm the fuck down," turning towards Sam and offered her his hand, "Care to dance?", she agreed and took Jean Claude's hand leading him to where Lucan and Sam were laughing uproariously, now trying to muddle their way through their version of a dirty tango.

As the four continued to dance Harry and Draco, along with Shane and Alexandra talked at the bar and sipped their drinks, making comments about the texts that were sent and displayed on the surrounding plasma screens. About an hour and three dances later, the group decided to move their festivities to _G-A-Y Late,_ a more after hours version of _G-A-Y Bar_, then finally the evening wound down, and Harry and Draco made their way back to the loft, giggling and flirting the entire way.

After letting themselves in, Draco made his way straight to the bedroom to change. He hated reeking of smoke and alcohol*, and that's when Harry found his chance to get out and set up a surprise he had for his boyfriend, something small to finish off the evening and their anniversary with.

"Draco?" Harry called, "Can you come here for a second?"

Draco, changed and now comfortably dressed in his Artful Dodger hoodie and matching sweat pants, made his way to the island in the kitchen area.

"Here, love. I got you your favorite." Harry said smiling and holding out the treat to Draco who looked down at it then back into his lovers eyes and said incredulously,

"_Ice Cream Cake?" _

***

I swear I didn't mean to take so long to update, but my muse ran away from the cold weather (as I'm writing and posting this the windchill is -25 degrees where I'm at), I think to go chill with Alexis' muse in warmer climates, so I had to carry on without him. Also, I'm only foreseeing one more chapter left.

Reviews make my day. :D

Many thanks to: **Fluorescent Frenzy,** Digitallace, **Missy Padfoot, **and Momo Yuki.

*Notes:

G-A-Y Bar & Late are linked by Text Screens, Text a screen at G-A-Y & your message will appear at both venues

G-A-Y Bar - 12pm - 12am

G-A-Y Late - 11pm - 3am

(All information about G-A-Y Bar & Late I got from their website)

**I'm pretty sure that smoking is banned in pubs and clubs in London, I'm not actually sure. But just go with it for now, I needed to distract Draco.

**Music:**

LADY GAGA – Love Game


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks so much for bearing with me on this odd journey of mine. I want to thank Lexx (Digitallace) who helped me get over my writers block. **

**Thanks to **_**Momo Yuki**_**, **_**Missy Padfoot**_**, and **_**ams71080**_**. **

**This chapter is posted in dedication to having an account here on ff.n for five years today :D**

Chapter Five

_--Christmas Day—_

It was the middle of Christmas Day, and Harry and Draco were busy cooking Christmas Dinner, the muggle way (something they both agreed on), and getting things prepared for the onslaught of family and friends that would be taking over their loft that evening.

Ron and a heavily pregnant Hermione, along with their brood, five year old Rose, four year old Noah, and two year old Sophia, would be there. As well as the newly weds Pansy and Blaise. Also Draco and Harry's newer friends Shane and Lucian, Sam and Alexandra, and Jean Claude and Isabella, with their children Lily and Donovan, were due for dinner as well. The only person missing would be Narcissa. Though they had all gotten close to Lady Malfoy since the arrest of her husband, Lucius, she insisted that she wanted to vacation at one of the Malfoy vacation houses. Currently she was staying in a beautifully redone Manor in western Ireland.

Earlier Andromeda had dropped off Teddy for a week with his 'Uncle Harry' and 'Uncle Draco'. The seven year old was as curious as a kitten, and hyper as a griffin cub. He spent fifteen minutes running in circles just admiring all the decorations strewn about the loft.

The main color scheme of the decorations was green and gold. A perfect compromise for the Slytherin/Gryffindor couple, and the only one that Draco insisted didn't completely offend his retinas. The Christmas tree was decorated in gold and silver baubles glittering from the light of the Yule Log burning merrily in the fireplace. Teddy's favorite part, though, was the hundreds of faerie lights scattered all along the ceiling, (courtesy of a handy sticking-charm).

"Teddy, love, would you like to help me stir this?" Draco said motioning to a bowl of mix for the Bûche de Noël .

"Sure, Uncle Draco", the child squeaked in joy, running over to the kitchen island and taking up the task of stirring. "What are we having for dinner, Uncle Harry?"

Harry looked up from the vegetables he was peeling. "Let's see. Roast turkey, roast potatoes, steamed brussel sprouts, stuffing, chipolatas, cranberry sauce, and for desert a Yule log, and the brandy butter is already in the fridge."

"Ohh," Teddy said stirring vigorously and truly only giving Harry half his attention, "When do we get to eat?"

"Soon, baby," Harry replied cleaning up the counter, "The turkey is near done and the others should be here shortly. How would you," Harry continued, "like to be one of the two to pull the turkey's wishbone?" Teddy nodded quickly agreeing. "Well, whom else would you like to pull it?"

"Uncle Draco!" the boy said excitedly.

Later, after the turkey was cut up, and their guest had arrive, Draco called to Teddy over the chaos of the multiple conversations. Teddy got up and made his way over to his Uncle.

"Would you pull the wishbone with me now?" Draco said, holding out the wishbone between them. Teddy nodded happily and closed his eyes taking ahold of one half of the wishbone. Draco closed his eyes and thought of a wish, and pulled.

"You're wish is going to come true, Uncle Draco!" Teddy said excitedly as Draco opened up his eyes, holding the larger bone fragment in his hand.

Draco collected up the pieces of the wishbone and said, "Yes, love, it seems my wish may come true."

"What'd you wish for?" Harry said as he wrapped his arm around the blonde from behind.

"If I told you it wouldn't come true, now would it?" Draco said teasingly and nudged Harry away from him. Harry shrugged in acquiescence and took Draco's hand and led him back over to their seats at the dinner table.

Dinner was done and the dishes were cleaning themselves in sink, while everyone dug into the dessert.

"Why aren't you having anything?" Harry inquired his lover, "You love Yule Logs."

"You know I'm trying to watch what I eat." Draco murmured, giving a frosty glare.

"Come on, open up." Harry said taking a fork full of the dessert, and tried to feed it to the glaring blonde.

"Don't treat me like I'm a child, Potter."

Grimacing at the use of his last name, Harry put the fork down, and with little regards to his current health picked up a small piece of the cake and nudged it to Draco's lips. "Please? Just a little bite?" he goaded, "It tastes so good, and you've been doing rather well on your… diet."

After much ado from Harry, Draco finally opened his mouth and allowed his boyfriend to feed him the sweet desert. Harry smiled beautifully at him and then turned to give his opinion for Lucians and Ron's debate about who would be making it to the Quidditch World Cup this season.

He didn't notice the glare his lover was directing at the back of his skull.

After checking on Teddy, Harry and Draco went to their bedroom to ready for bed. Harry was getting a vibe from his lover that something was not as it should be. So he said, "Is something wrong?"

"Why would something be wrong?" Draco said chillingly, then turned to change into his pajamas in the bathroom sliding the door closed behind him. Harry, not being one to let things lie, followed him.

Draco, who was already undressing turned to him and glared. "The door was closed for a reason."

"What did I do wrong?" Harry asked, not being able to come up with anything that could piss off the blonde so much.

"What did you do wrong!?" Draco cried, spinning around with his pants in his hand, "You_ know_ that I'm trying to watch what I eat, and cut back on sweets. Was it completely necessary to feed me that Yule Cake? At this rate my s-stretch marks will never be gone!"

Harry paused and looked past Draco to the mirror where Draco's bare arse was in full view. "What stretch marks?" He asked hesitantly, as to not make his blondes tantrum any worse.

"What stretch-?" Draco said turning his head to see the mirror.

There on his arse was nothing but ivory white skin.

No marks.

"Where'd they go?" Draco said, whipping his head around to see from the other side.

"Are you still mad at me?" Harry questioned haltingly?

"Mad? How could I be mad? This is amazing!" Draco said excitedly, turning back around to face the brunette, and jumped up, wrapping his legs around Harry's waist and hugging Harry to him.

"So, we're good?" Harry questioned again.

"Fabulous. Now, _to the bed!_" Draco said imperiously.

Rolling his eyes Harry did his boyfriends bidding.

_**Fin**_

**Bûche de Noël** [byʃ də noɛl]("Yule log") is a traditional dessert served during the Christmas holidays in France, Belgium, Quebec, Lebanon and several other Christian-populated francophone countries. As the name indicates, the cake is generally prepared, presented, and garnished so as to look like a log ready for the fire.

A common tradition in the United Kingdom is to use the turkey's wishbone. Two people pull opposite ends of the wishbone until it breaks, with the person holding the larger fragment of the bone making a wish.


End file.
